Accepted to go to a Hawaiian island to live and grow vegetables and milk goats and feed chickens and steal their eggs. Very exciting time. As if getting married wasn't enough. My cup runneth over.
I was talking to a native New Yorker about his time here and how it has changed from when he lived here. We digressed and the topic of my grandparents being from here was news to him, as he knew I was from Maryland, but I had not told him I had roots going back here, it just skipped the generation of my Dad. And he described that 'in-tuneness' of having some kind of genetic connection to a place even though I had not grown up here at all with an appropriate term, but I cannot remember it right now. But as I was thinking about it, it reminds me of how on a computer you can try to go back a couple cyber pages and sometimes you will see something to the effect that : This blah blah contains postdata blah blah blah.... I feel like that might be a way to describe in crude cold technical terms the way that sheet of reminiscent residue akin to deja-vu can be evoked simply by walking the streets in a certain neighborhood, as if it was all fresh and good and palpable in the genes from my grandparents, but then the inherent territorial knowledge and instincts of the place lay dormant for a while, but with a gust of wind, a scent of a particular baked good, or the light reflecting off a melting aged window, the past and present reconnect with fiberoptic speed and clarity. Its like generational genetic postdata. And it means so much more profoundly deep emotions that a 5 year old technical term that I don't fully understand means.
Perhaps when you take something as unfamiliar and unwarm as a computer brain- heartless and mechanical- you can break down something as abstract as a post generational mental refresh more easily.
I was also thinking today about how I am glad in my life I was able to witness first hand the change into the digital mode of operating. People regularly checking email, doing all kinds of stuff online, when as a kid it was not in the landscape of reality. We had a commodore 64 computer, but as far as I knew it was made to play games like Pitfall and Karate something or other and I could name a bunch of others but you get the idea. It only occurred to me that there might be something bigger here when my brother Brian (who now works with computers) showed us the technology of a modem? with the telephone and how you could type a message or something. I think my response to that marvel was that why would you type when you could just call someone. Apparently I was not an investor for microsoft.
Anyway, more to the point, I am glad I got to see this change, this marvel of wonder, in the before and after stages, like the automobile of our times- changing everything. Computers are a vehicle and just about everyone is driving, and if not, you are at least smelling the fumes. Or perhaps going for a surf.
I am not really a "computer person" but they sure are handy at times. They can also serve as a great distraction. As with everything, there are pluses and minuses.
Mainly I am excited about living somewhere and trying to learn about gardening and living eco friendly and slowig down to pace of human life as I dream about it. Working hard but living well. And adding something positive that makes you glad to be alive when you see it, feel it, taste it, touch it, hear it. Got all five? The Who would be proud. Its my generation, baby. It will be challenging but we are up for it. Its so nice to have a supportive family and friends. SO nice. It makes everything better and seemingly more manageable. I would like to see the world be like this in general with people treating each other in a manner they would their direct family. Its a stretch but they say some stretching is good for healthy muscle growth.
So I was ired and my eyes were burning but my mind is going so I am burning the wick here, typing out anxiety and excitement, but mostly excitement. I sometimes have to tell myself- hey, be excited, because I can forget how awesome an opportunity or moment of enjoyment is at hand. And I am glad for that little yellow string I tie on my finger, so I can savor this. Even if for some reason it never happens, I will have soul soaked in the rays of that bright possibility. And like the saying of its better to have loved.... Well, its better to have dreamed.
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